


when i'm far too gone, can you show me love?

by mrs_theirin



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Bethany and Carver Hawke Live, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, Not Canon Compliant, Purple Hawke (Dragon Age), The Hanged Man (Dragon Age)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25412416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrs_theirin/pseuds/mrs_theirin
Summary: [Takes place at the beginning of Act 3]Eden Hawke has lost an ally, her mother, and her pride almost all in one fell swoop. A vague invitation from Varric sends her on a trip to The Hanged Man, where good friends and a shared confession might be enough to mend her broken heart. A good drink can't hurt either, although who knows if you'll get one of those at The Hanged Man?inspired by Gimme Love - Joji (title cred)
Relationships: Female Hawke/Varric Tethras, Fenris/Isabela (Dragon Age), Hawke/Varric Tethras
Comments: 24
Kudos: 32





	when i'm far too gone, can you show me love?

**Author's Note:**

> caught in a river of rockers and dreams  
> oh, will you keep up with me?  
> everyone's looking for someone to hold  
> but I can't let you go

**8:00 PM**

It was strange, walking through the dark streets of Lowtown alone. Normally Eden was accompanied by her friends, clad in some type of armor, fighting off the hordes of thugs that lurked in the shadows waiting for somebody to rob. Tonight, however, was silent. It was unnerving almost, to have walked 5 feet and not have swarms of enemies descend upon her. Maybe being the Champion gave her some kind of immunity. 

The silence of the street did not make it into her head, however. As she focused on the sound of her footsteps, her thoughts raged and swirled into a violent ball. The pain was easier to ignore around the others, but alone at night was not an ideal environment for ignoring your problems. The Hanged Man was in reach however, a smile forming on her face as the building came into view. No matter what “important matter” Varric needed her for, it was sure to be infinitely better than not being able to sleep at her packed mansion. She was pleased that the refugee mages had found a home in hers, but sometimes they were a bit much. 

Her hand rested on the door of The Hanged Man. She took a breath, shaking her head and putting on her signature smile before entering. Immediately her smile was replaced with excited shock. The room was filled to the brim with patrons, all of them turning towards her with grins plastered on their faces. 

“Nice of you to join us, Hawke!” Varric yelled out, which made the entire tavern burst into cheers. “I think we owe the Champion a proper celebration, don’t you?”

“YEAH!” the crowd shouted, raising their mugs in her direction.

Her eyes scanned the group. Some unfamiliar faces were sprinkled in with regulars of The Hanged Man. There were some people she had met out on the street, her friends, of course, and—

“Seneschal Bran?” The words came out incredulously, her eyes widening at the sight of the official. 

“You said you wanted me for drinks,” he drolled. “So here I am.”

The party settled down as Eden approached the table, being pat on the back by Fenris when she stopped next to him. She smiled at him before turning to Varric. “What in Andraste’s name did you say to get Bran here?”

The dwarf shrugged. “Nothing. The old man came on his own, can you believe that? I’m thinking he might be into you.”

Bran pinched his nose, shaking his head. “Serah Hawke is not my type. You wouldn’t understand. Are we here to drink or not?”

Eden, barely able to contain her excitement, pat Bran on the back. “Yes we are. Norah?”

**9:00 PM**

“Daisy’s already out, it seems,” Varric said, nodding at the elf passed out in her chair.

Eden shook her head as the table laughed. “What can I say? The girl’s a lightweight.”

“We need to work on that someday,” Isabela teased, throwing her coat over Merrill. She hummed and sunk deeper into the seat. “I swear you give her one drink that’s slightly stronger than the swill here and she’s out like a light!”

“Probably from all that blood loss,” Fenris grumbled, a small smile contradicting his tone. 

“Oh, leave the poor little blood mage alone, she can’t even defend herself!” Eden crooned. 

“Another round?” Varric asked, already dealing out the cards. “Disappointed we’re not betting with clothes this time, Rivaini?” 

Isabela eyed Sebastian. “I think we all know why we can’t play.”

Sebastian’s face tinted a slight red. “Sorry lass, I don’t believe it’s in Hawke’s best interest to reveal herself to the patrons here. Not on her night.”

“Ugh,” she sighed. “Fine. I personally think that might make her a night a little more interesting.”

“Well how about you let ‘her’ decide for herself, huh?” Eden’s head turned at the sound of the door opening, her demeanor brightening as her eyes landed on her younger siblings. “Bethany! Carver! What a pleasant surprise!”

“Nice to see you too, sister.” Bethany smiled, wrapping her arms around Eden before pulling up a chair. “Playing Wicked Grace?”

“That’s the only thing she does nowadays,” Carver mumbled, placing a chair next to Isabela, who kissed him on the cheek as he sat down.

“And what do you do, huh?” Eden teased. “How are the Grey Wardens treating you?”

“Better than this shit tavern.”

“Sorry we’re late,” Bethany said. “It took forever to get Carver away from his girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” the table all spoke, their heads turning in Carver’s direction. He flushed.

“She’s not my girlfriend. I keep trying to tell Bethany that but she won’t listen.”

“Mmhmm. So boyfriends and girlfriends  _ don’t  _ do what you were—”

“Bethany!” He hid his face in his hand. “Can we move on? Please?”

“Oh, but I thought tonight was my night!” Eden taunted. “And I do love teasing you.”

“Relax, Junior. I’ll make sure your big sister leaves you alone tonight.”

Carver sighed, throwing his hand up in Varric’s direction. “Thank you. At least one person isn’t involved in my business.”

“You’re so dramatic. Come on, Varric will deal you in.” 

**10:00 PM**

“It’s been wonderful, Hawke, but I should be heading home. Don’t worry about Merrill, I’ll escort her home.” Sebastian placed a soft kiss on her knuckles. “Enjoy your night, Serah Hawke.”

Eden smiled warmly. “Goodnight, Sebastian. Be careful with Merrill, she’s a grabber.”

He chuckled, almost embarrassed. “I’m sure I’ll manage. Come on, lass!”

Merrill practically crashed into Eden, engulfing her in a hug. “Goodbye Hawke! I’m going home now!”

“I know, Merrill. Stay close to Sebastian.”

“Sebastian?” Merrill gasped. “Is that who that is? Hi Sebastian!”

He grimaced. “Maybe it would be best if I…Merrill? Would you prefer to ride on my back?”

She giggled, immediately throwing herself on his back. “Onwards, Choir Boy!” she shouted, falling victim to another bout of laughter as he adjusted to get comfortable. 

“Have fun, you two,” Eden called out as they both waved, making their way out the door. 

She relaxed, sliding back into a chair. Bethany smiled at her, gesturing for Carver to join them. He took a seat next to them, the three of them sitting in silence for a bit. She could see Bethany’s hand inching closer to hers. “I suppose now’s as good a time as any to talk about Mother,” she said.

“Do we have to?” Carver asked, and was immediately shot with glares. “Fine, I’m sorry. Look, I just—” He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I’m happy with the Grey Wardens. I’ve learned so much, and seen so much, and met so many people. I’d much rather focus on that than...than Mother.”

“I think we’d all rather focus on something other than Mother. How are you holding up, sister? We know you weren’t super close with Mother but—”

“That doesn’t mean a thing,” she snapped, the band beginning to play. The cheery music was a stark contrast to the dark conversation. “Not anymore. I didn’t pay attention. I wasn’t fast enough. I—”

“You have to stop blaming yourself, Eden,” Carver spoke. “I heard you lashed out at Aveline.”

“Mother’s death wasn’t the only thing to blame that bitch for. You know she hit me? She hit me for telling her she did a shit job at her job, which was true. It’s because of her Mother is dead and the Viscount is dead.”

“Mother is dead because someone got carried away with their magic. The Viscount is dead because the Arishok finally snapped. None of that is Aveline’s fault,” Bethany pleaded.

“You know another thing? Carver would be fine if not for her. If she had just let him be a guard, he wouldn’t have—”

“You can’t change that, Eden. Yes, not letting Carver into the guard was selfish and wrong, but what’s done is done.”

“And I’d prefer if you didn’t speak about me like I’m not here. Blaming Aveline isn’t going to bring Mother back.”

Eden sighed, placing her face in her hands. “Don’t you think I know that? Let’s just leave it alone. You know me, I don’t care for emotional conversation.”

“Sister—”

“Oops!” Isabela squealed, her body jolting the table they sat at, Fenris’s arms wrapped around her waist. “Am I intruding on the family reunion?”

Bethany began to answer, but Eden spoke first. “Of course not, my dear pirate! The two of you having fun?” 

“Quite,” Isabela responded, winking at her. 

“She’s making it look worse than it actually is,” Fenris said, crossing his arms. “She purposefully threw herself at your table.”

“Oh hush, Fenny. You’re ruining the fun. We’ll get out of your glorious hair now.” Isabela pulled Fenris away, blowing a kiss at Eden before leaving.

She shook her head, smiling, before turning back to her siblings. “We can talk about this another time, okay? You weren’t there, you didn’t…”

“We understand. Don’t we, Carver?” Bethany elbowed her brother.

“Ow!” He glared at her, rubbing his arm. “Yeah. Go have your fun.”

“You should try it sometime too, little brother.” She grinned. “You might learn something!”

**10:25 PM**

“I know you love this one. Dance with me?” Eden glanced up at the mage offering his hand, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. He looked like that a lot recently, the weight of Kirkwall resting on his shoulders. Every day he seemed more and more lifeless, his energy drained out of him. She could only imagine how Justice was doing.

“I would love to,” she teased, taking his hand. He immediately spun her around, making her laugh. The two of them twirled into the lively tune, the crowd parting to watch them dance. The tavern was filled with stomps and shouts as the patrons cheered them on, a few of them joining in. 

The air was charged with laughter. It was wonderful to see him smile. The room spun around them, but all she could focus on was her friend, his laugh bubbling and filling the room with hope. She looked at him and saw the mages of Kirkwall, the ones holed up in her house at that very minute. She saw the future. She saw hope. She saw justice. 

As if on cue, Anders spoke up. “Hey, Hawke. I want to thank you for what you’ve done for the mages. I hear their praises every day.”

“Well, while they’re visiting you, it would be nice if you could tell them to be quiet past 9.”

He chuckled. “They want to do something special for you, you know? The children won’t stop buzzing about it. They’re apparently planning something big.”

“And you would ruin their surprise? I’m shocked by you, Anders.” She laughed, the conversation pausing as he lifted her up and then down into a dip. The crowd roared. 

“They love us,” he said, nodding his head at the party.

“When was the last time you danced, Anders? Truly.”

“With Karl, probably. But those times are behind us. Now I get to dance with the Champion of Kirkwall, Protector of Mages!” 

She snorted. “What a title! Come up with that one yourself?

“The children did. I think it’s rather fitting.”

“I do my best.” The song ended and they bowed, earning cheers and applause from the group surrounding them. 

Anders placed a soft kiss on Eden’s cheek, wrapping her into a hug. “I should get going now. Enjoy the rest of your night, Eden.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” She waved him away, heading over to the table where Isabela and Fenris seemed to be in a heated discussion. “Oh come on, Fenny,” Isabela pleaded. “Just a little longer.”

“I’m sure Hawke would be fine if we left. Right, Hawke?” They turned towards her, Fenris’s face expectant.

“Aww, come on Fenris,” she said, putting on a fake pout. “Don’t you want to spend more time with me?”

“I want to get some sleep. It’s late and we have important things to do tomorrow.”

“Boo,” she whined. “You’re no fun.”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it. I’ll convince him.” Isabela kissed Fenris on the cheek. “Go say goodbye to your family! It looks like Carver’s gained some attention.”

Eden turned her head, her eyes landing on her brother walking out the door, followed by at least 6 girls. She made eye contact with Bethany who shook her head and rolled her eyes. Getting up from the table, she wrapped her little sister in a hug. “Be safe, okay?”

“You know I will. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure Carver doesn’t get into trouble. I love you.”

“I love you too. We’ll talk about Mother sometime, just—”

Bethany placed a hand on Eden’s arm. “Not tonight. I understand. Take care, sister.”

With that, Bethany left, holding the door open for Seneschal Bran who was leaving with a tall, buff man. Eden raised her eyebrow, then decided some things were better left unanswered. A woman asked for her hand to dance, and she bowed, twirling the woman and leading her into a dance that left the both of them breathless.

**12:00 AM**

“You’ll think he’ll be alright?” 

“He can hold his drink.”

Eden and Isabela stared down at Fenris, who was conked out on the floor, his butt in the air. “Should we at least push him into a less...vulnerable position?”

Isabela leaned forward, tapping his butt lightly with her foot. He flopped over to the side, barely flinching. “There.”

“Play us a song, Tethras!” a voice called out. The two of them turned to see Varric surrounded by patrons, a guitar in hand. They exchanged looks before taking seats at the table, facing Varric. He spent a little while tuning the instrument, the women fawning over him with each string he plucked. Eden rolled her eyes as Isabela leaned over. 

“They’re amazed by what his fingers can do but I would like to know what his mouth can do,” she purred, laughing as Eden elbowed her. 

Varric began to play a small tune, speaking over the music. “Who wants to hear a tale of the Champion?” he asked, his eyes sparkling. The crowd erupted in cheers and he laughed warmly, the sound making Eden feel warm and comforted. 

“Well, Hawke was well known at this point,” he began, his fingers dancing along the strings. “She had saved countless lives, fucked over many templars, and cracked many jokes. But that wasn’t enough, not for Hawke. You see, she had a heart of gold, one that was kind and compassionate. She’d sell her soul to get you a single sovereign. And soon, her beautiful mansion was filled to the brim with runaway mages and people in need.

She barely had a moment to register the wink he threw at her before he opened his mouth and notes came out. Varric was  _ singing.  _ “There’s a safe, safe haven / Where all of your troubles disappear / Just take a hard left in Hightown / And you’re sure to arrive there.”

Eden gasped as the crowd joined in, raising their cups. “One of the big ones we don’t say ‘fuck off’ / Instead we’re there by her side / She helps us and tells us it’s gonna be alright / Hawke’s the only one that we trust.”

“Here’s to Hawke!” he sang, and the group echoed him. “May she always be on our side.”

“Our side!” The tavern burst into laughter and cheers as the song ended. Varric looked over at her and his eyes said it all. She could only imagine how she looked; mouth open, hand over her mouth, tears collecting in her eyes. She could barely register as patrons came over to pat her on the back, voicing encouragement and thanks.

In the bustle of people, Varric could hardly feel Eden’s eyes on him. As he chatted with others and strummed his guitar, she sat in silence, unable to look away. A song. He wrote a song for her. 

“I’ll leave you to it,” Isabela joked, patting her on her head. 

His eyes. The fire caught his eyes perfectly, making them shine with invitation. The orange hue set upon his hair like an amber stream of ale, the color popping under the heat, making him seem younger almost, a mischievous smile taking up most of his face. When those beautiful golden eyes landed on her, her heart dropped into her feet.

_ I love you. _

The words just manifested into her head, echoing around like a chime from a bell. He grinned at her. 

_ I love you. _

**1:06 AM**

“Goodnight Hawke,” Fenris slurred. 

“Get home safe,” she laughed, tapping him on the nose with her finger.

Isabela placed a friendly kiss on Eden’s lips before leaving with Fenris in her arms, wiggling her fingers in a goodbye wave. She tensed as Varric strolled up next to her, shaking his head. “Broody and Rivaini are going home, huh? Took them long enough.”

“Ah well, you know Isabela.”  _ I love you.  _ “You can never end her fun too early.”

“That’s enough for the night!” Varric yelled. “You can all go home now!” 

“See ya, Hawke!” Eden was bombarded with goodbyes and hugs as most of the patrons left the building. Varric gestured to his room, an invitation, and she took the lead, her nervousness setting in. It was never like this before. What had changed?

She took a seat at the end of his table, kicking her feet up. When he caught up, he didn’t close the door behind him, which gave her a quick rush of relief she couldn’t quite explain. Instead, he sat next to her, lightly pushing her feet off of the table. “Excuse me,” she said, tapping the wood. “I have earned my right to put my feet up.”

“Oh, have you?” He chuckled, the sound stirring something inside her. “Last time I checked, you sat around drinking all night. Does that warrant scratching up my fine wood I worked so hard to get?”

She scoffed. “Worked so hard to get? Isn’t this The Hanged Man’s table?”

“You—” Varric paused as Norah entered, carrying a tray of bread, butter, and two mugs. She set them down on the table and left the room, shutting the door behind her, making Eden’s heart race. “Thank you, Norah,” he said before she could leave.

“What’s all this?”

“For you. Bread to get food in your system and two cups of water for hydration. Eat up.”

_ I love you. _

**1:45 AM**

Eden roared with laughter, almost falling off the table. Her headache had subsided, warded off by the two mugs worth of water and half a loaf of bread currently in her stomach. They had both removed their shoes, leaving their socks on, and kicked them away to some unknown corner. Varric had just gotten done telling her a story about Anders and Fenris. 

“Bet they won’t want you to put that in your book,” she said, her smile fading.  _ I love you. _

“No, I don’t think so.” He laughed. “Probably spend the next hundred years trying to live it down. How much more into hiding would Anders have to—”

“Kiss me.”

The words came out before she could stop them. He chuckled nervously, pausing mid-sentence. “What?”

Well, shit. It was too late now. “Maker’s breath, Varric. Kiss me.”

The air was charged with silence. The two of them stared at each other for what seemed like an impossible amount of time. She couldn’t leave now, she had dug herself a hole, and now she had to sit in it. The only problem was that no one told her how excruciating waiting would be. A million thoughts rushed through her brain; the events of the night, memories of before, their conversation from 30 minutes ago even. All moments that seemed infinitely better than the one she was in, until—

“Andraste’s ass, Hawke. I had to pull out all the stops to make you realize you were in love with me, huh?”

Eden surged from the table, sliding down to her knees as she pulled him into a kiss, her hands cradling his face. His arms wrapped around her body and pulled her closer, a mumbled phrase slipping between their lips. She couldn’t bother to care what he said. Their surroundings melted away, his lips the only thing she could focus on. He tasted like ale, like bread, like happiness and love and compassion. He smelled like vanilla, like books and ink, like oil and warmth and home. 

When they pulled away, her mind and mouth acted as one as she whispered, “I love you.”

“It’s about time,” he joked, and winced as she pinched him. “Alright alright. I love you too.”

“Varric,” she breathed out.

“Yes?”

“I love you, Varric Tethras.”

He chuckled softly. “I love you, Eden Hawke.”

“Thank you for doing this for me. I know I’ve been unfair—”

He held up a hand. “Don’t worry about it, Eden. It was the least I could do for a beautiful woman.”

She giggled, the sound coming from deep in her chest. “I could get used to you calling me beautiful.”

“Like I didn’t before? You wound me, Serah Hawke!” 

Rolling her eyes, she kissed him on the cheek. “Come on. Let’s get some sleep.”

“Go get ready, Quill. I’ll be there in a moment.”

“Quill?” she asked, the nickname already making her feel warm and fuzzy. 

“Don’t worry about it. Get some rest, gorgeous.”

Eden watched him round the corner behind his bookshelves. She sat on the floor for a moment, her heart feeling as if it was about to burst out of her chest and dance on the ceiling. Removing most of her clothing, she slid into his bed, a feeling that wasn’t unfamiliar (she had spent countless nights there after rough fights), although this time was different. She closed her eyes, listening to him hum the same song he had sang hours before, and found it impossible not to smile. 

She was home.

**9:15 AM** ****

“Ugh,” she groaned. She could hear Varric moving around, humming the song from last night. “What time is it?”

“Time for you to get up, gorgeous.”

“Varric?” She waited for him to approach, a mischievous look adorned on his face. “Remind me what happened last night?”

“Hmm. You’re going to have to narrow it down.” He could barely contain the grin spreading his lips. She moved forward, eyes closed, and he kissed her softly, a single hand resting on her cheek. She leaned into the touch, humming a pleased note before he pulled away. “That help?”

“I don’t know,” she murmured, a playful growl dancing in her tone. “You’ll have to do that more.”

“Not a problem. But first, breakfast,” he said, pulling away, making her hang her head and groan. “It’s just us today.”

She rolled out of bed, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he sat at the table, kissing him on the neck. “Sounds perfect.”


End file.
